Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
