we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
