Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize