Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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