please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
