well I can't set my house on fire every night
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
