Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize