I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
