so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
