I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
