alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
