i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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