dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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