I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I still have a little drunk in my system
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
