i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
