I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My life is pants optional.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
