You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
