You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
