id be glad to
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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