Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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