i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
