Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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