life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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