I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
