I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize