my being single is dangerous.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
