I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
is it fun? or sober?
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