Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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