Whatcha textin bout Willis?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
