I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
