Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
tell me about the fingering
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