I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
