Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
