i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
