when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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