It's like God shit irony all over that family
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
