Life is so much better after having sex.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
