That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
