Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
