i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
