you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
