So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
