ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
