I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My balls are so social today.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
