Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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