We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
