So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize