I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Your penis caused this!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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