wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My pussy is not your playground.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
