its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
