If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
