Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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