Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
