They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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