So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
