Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
