I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
