Can Purell be used as lube?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
