He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
