it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I need to sanitize my soul.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
