Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
