$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
