Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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