this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
