Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
