i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My vagina is officially offended.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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