This beer is not sobering me up at all
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
