I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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